so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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