I could make wine with my vomit
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
