I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
