He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
