I puked a lego.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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