im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
