So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize