All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
