I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
