I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
