I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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