Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
