also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize