He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
