Umm I'm too high to move.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
