I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
