pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
