You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
