Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
