I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
