allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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