And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
