Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
