spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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