A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need moral support for this bender
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
