They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
