there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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