Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
