Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Green mimosas i think yes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
