I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
birth control should be required to get into college
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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