Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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