i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
