Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
