So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
