dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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