you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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