Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
