Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize