In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
