I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
