see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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