I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize