Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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