mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
