fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
3 2 1 whiskey
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
