we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
