Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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