Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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