I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
