i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
