and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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