What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
