hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
