her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jerry, you need to find god
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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