if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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