it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
