She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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