I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
