I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
