if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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