i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
