Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
