If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
