Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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