I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
