I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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