walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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