could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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