just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
