he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
