I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
