If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
