I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
