: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize