He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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