Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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