We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
