just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
