dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
