Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
