a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
