Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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