You're so nebulous sometimes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
